I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
