drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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