i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
