I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
