I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
