I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
