You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
