I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
