dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
