I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
