I can tuck mytits in my pants
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
