you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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