i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
