i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
