How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
