Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
