Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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