I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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