I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
