you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
