her vagine was all disorganized.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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