My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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