kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
