What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
