plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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