Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
