Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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