Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
