I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
