so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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