guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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