i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
where are you?
Hypothermia
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
