the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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