I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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