do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Randomize
