I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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