I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You left your phone here
Wait...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
