Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
