You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
