Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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