You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
