Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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