We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
