dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
