fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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