i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
