I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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