just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
