Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
