i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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