If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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