they need to just BURY HIM!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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