And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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